All I Want
by lizziemarie0529
Summary: Alec finally breaks down,about how much he's hurting while talking to Jace in the cave. Slight spoilers from COHF


**AN: First off I loved COHF and there is a small spoiler in this, so if you haven't read the book yet and don't want to be spoiled then I don't recommend this. I wanted to write about Malec getting back together first, but then two ideas popped into my head so I am going to try them out first, then work on something else.**

**Anyway the inspiration I used is called All I want and it's by Kodaline. Everything about the song screamed my babies, so I highly recommend it.**

**Also be on the look out for another one shot song fic called Dear Darling….I'll be working on that one sometime this week as well.**

**I hope you all enjoy this and please when leaving a review don't be mean, give constructive criticism, but don't be mean about it. Thanks**

" Drinking on the job I see?"

Placing the bottle away from his lips, Alec was going to make some snotty comment, but instead he took another long drink, while Jace looked on.

" I hope you ate something, before you decided to go on a drinking binge?"

Shaking his head no, which only caused the room to spin more, the teen carefully laid down on the hard floor, of the cave while slowly putting the half empty bottle down.

" Do you want or need something or are you just here to annoy?"

Deciding to join his drunken friend, Jace laid down next to Alec.

" I figured you would start missing this handsome smiling face, so I dropped Clary off with Izzy and Simon so I could keep you company."

" So you're just here to annoy huh?"

" Yup….pretty much."

Sitting up, so he could finish the bottle, Alec closed his eyes as he felt the warm liquid go smoothly down his throat.

" So….wanna tell me when you decided to become an alcoholic, because I don't recall getting the memo on that subject."

Taking a small shaky breath, Alec shrugged, then answered.

" My heart's broken, I haven't slept, and Sebastian has the love of my life….therefore I'm entitled to drink."

" Alec….."

" I never thought I would say this, but Clary and Izzy are the two luckiest people in the world. They can break down….they can cry….because they have someone who will hold them, who will do everything in their power to make sure that they're ok…..well guess what I don't have that anymore."

_**All I want is nothing more**_

_**To hear you knocking at my door**_

'_**Cause if I can see your face once more**_

_**I could die a happy man I'm sure**_

_**When you said your last goodbye**_

_**I died a little bit inside**_

_**I lay in tears in bed all night**_

_**Alone without you by my side**_

Jace didn't know what to do with that confession. He knew his parabatai was hurting, but he didn't know it was this bad until now.

Thinking about it, Jace remember the night after they broke up. Alec walked into the Institute looking like he just watched his best friend die, and after only tell them Magnus broke up with him, he went into his room and stayed there for three days.

He also remembered how shocked they all were, when Alec finally told them what happened. Everyone knew the immortality was an issue for the couple, but what they didn't know was how far Alec would have gone to fix that hurdle.

Now here they were….weeks later….sitting in a cave that was surrounding by demons….while trying to find Sebastian and the Downworlder representatives.

Jace knew this was a bad time for any one of them to have a breakdown, but if this is was Alec needed then, damn it to hell he was going to give it to him.

" Alec….you do have that. You can break down anytime you want, we will be there to catch you when you fall. We will hold you, we will rock you, we will constantly tell you everything is going to be ok. Whatever you need….me, Clary, Simon, Izzy….we will all make sure you get it."

" Thanks, but I don't want you. I don't want any of you. I want Magnus. Only he can make this all better."

With his chin trembling, Alec finally let the dam break.

_**But if you loved me**_

_**Why'd you leave me?**_

_**Take my body**_

_**Take my body**_

_**All I want is,**_

_**And all I need is**_

_**To find somebody**_

_**I'll find somebody like you**_

However once the tears started, Alec couldn't make them stop, but deep down, the teen didn't even try. He realized that if he couldn't have Magnus, then crying until he didn't have any tears left was the next best thing.

" Oh god Jace this hurts….this hurts so fucking much. Why couldn't I have been happy with the way things were….why did I have to screw everything up, by changing things? I don't care if he had more lovers then Henry VIII or that he's going to outlive everyone….I don't care about any of that….I just want him back…..I want him back so bad."

Pulling the sobbing hysterical teen into his arms, Jace started rocking him back and forth while shocking himself, by shedding a few tears himself.

" I know Alec….believe me I know. We will get him back. I swear to you we will get him back to you."

" When….when you went missing….he…..he asked me if I would uh….search for him, the way I was searching for you….and do you know what I said….nothing….I said nothing. Magnus did so much for me, when you were gone…. And all I did was pick fights with him. Well guess what…he's out there somewhere, in this god forsaken demon realm and all I want to do is rip this place apart until he safely back into my arms."

_**So you brought out the best of me**_

_**A part of me I've never seen**_

_**You took my soul and wiped it clean**_

_**Our love was made for movie screens**_

Feeling himself start to calm down, Alec wiped his face and took a deep shaky breath.

" You know….while we were on vacation, Magnus took me to Paris and uh the room we stayed in had a balcony and when you looked out you had the most perfect view of the Eiffel Tower. Well after we made love, for the first time, we stood outside and watched the sun setting over the tower. Magnus was standing behind me, with his arms wrapped around my chest….and it was at that moment I knew."

" Knew what?"

" I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He was it for me….hell he still is."

Releasing the shadow hunter, from his grasp, Jace crossed his legs.

" Alec he knows that….believe me when I tell you Magnus knows that. He's hurting just as much as you are. Clary, Simon, and Izzy will all tell you the same thing….he's crushed without you."

Brushing away the few remaining tears, Alec gave Jace a small watery smile, while softly whispering

" How do you know?"

" Because we were all at his apartment and guess what…..he didn't have his sparkle and when Simon was there he said it was decorated to look like a dungeon. Oh and don't get me started about when I was there…the cat looked dead and there was Chinese takeout all over."

Hearing about how Chairman looked dead, Alec started laughing.

" That cat always looks dead. I think I was the only one who actually took care of the poor thing."

Knowing Alec was laughing, Jace tried to keep it going. He missed hearing that sound coming out of his parabatai.

" When I opened the door, he was laying flat on his back while his legs were sticking straight up, then when he jumped onto Magnus's chest Chairman gave me a look that either said " Get me the hell out of here" or " You better fix this, because I miss the man who actually gave a damn about me."

Laughing hysterically now, Alec sat up and joined Jace, by the one wall.

" I actually like that cat better than Church."

" That's because unlike Chairman, Church doesn't like people."

Sobering up a bit, from all the laughing, Alec took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

" Will this ever go away?"

" The very minute you and Magnus get back together.

_**But if you loved me**_

_**Why'd you leave me?**_

_**Take my body**_

_**Take my body**_

_**All I want is**_

_**And all I need is**_

_**To find somebody**_

_**I'll find somebody**_

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Alec asked the question a large part of him didn't want to know the answer too.

" What if he doesn't want to get back with me? What if he's afraid I'll betray him again? What if he already met someone?"

Jace knew Alec was afraid he was going to get some smart ass remark, and at first he was going to give him one, but instead Jace decided to give the heart broken teen something else."

" First off he'd be an idiot not to get back with you. Magnus brought out the best in you, just like you brought out the best in him. I don't believe in the whole soul mate thing, but you and Magnus are the real deal. Now as for your second question….I'm not going to lie, if Clary ever did something to me, I'd be leery, but I would make sure we'd talk and not keep anything hidden. And as for your last question….I don't believe Magnus met someone else, but just in case he did….then you can meet someone too, but only until your ready."

Watching for unwanted facial expressions, Jace made sure it was safe before he continued.

" Magnus was the first relationship you were ever in and as the mundane saying goes " There are plenty of other fish in the sea" but look at where we live….New York is practically the gay capital of the world….you will find someone, who will love you and respect you. It might not be the same as Magnus, but you will find someone. You are a very good looking guy, and maybe once we change up your wardrobe a little bit and fix your hair then you can go out and meet people, but again only when your ready."

" Thanks Jace

Staring straight ahead, Alec thought about what Jace was saying. He knew his friend had a point, but deep down the shadow hunter didn't think he would ever be ready to date again, especially if the person wasn't Magnus. Alec gave everything to the warlock. He gave him his heart, his soul, his body…..everything and just the thought of someone else doing all of that to him, made the teen shiver. In fact Alec realized he didn't want someone else, he wanted that sparkling, love of glitter, warlock and come hell or high water he was going to get him back. However if Magnus didn't want to get back together, only then will Alec try to find someone else, but like Jace said only when he was ready.

_**If you loved me**_

_**Why'd you leave me?**_

_**Take my body**_

_**Take my body**_

_**All I want is**_

_**And all I need is**_

_**To find somebody**_

_**I'll find somebody**_

_**Like you**_


End file.
